Hey You! Yes, you. The middle-aged guy.

Hairline in Retreat? Locks Thinning?
Don't Despair.
Accept It. Celebrate It.

Male pattern baldness is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, evidence suggests that baldness is caused by testosterone, the male hormone. So if you're a grown man with a thick, full head of hair, you're something of a hormonal wuss.

That's just one of the amazing things you'll learn when you join the FBGA:

Future Bald Guys of America™

When you join, you get:

• A handsome certificate, suitable for framing
   
• Bumper stickers:
   
  • Hell No, It Won't Grow
     
  • I'm Going Bald, Like a Real Man
     
  • Shoot Me If I Ever Have a Comb-Over
     
  • I'm Saving Money on Shampoo--Ask Me How
     
  • Testosterone On Board
     
  • Nice Hair, You Hormonal Wuss
    
     
• The FBGA Handbook: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. Includes these topics:
   
  • Top Drain Cleaners for Hair Clogs
     
  • Thinning Hair as a Metaphor for Rain Forest Depletion
     
  • Snappy Comebacks to Baldness Insults
    (Example: "Yeah, chemotherapy will do that". Shuts 'em up and you haven't actually lied.)
     
  • Crewcuts: Beating Nature to the Punch
     
  • Hats, Hats, Hats!
     
  • Ponytail?! Why Not Just Wear a Big Pink Bow?
     
  • Tips for Negotiating Discounts with your Barber
     
  • The Comb-Over: Ridiculous Charade that Fools No One, or Pathetic Ruse that Makes an Overhead View of Your Scalp Look Like Power Lines Over a Volkswagen?
     
  • Getting a Perm Doesn't Work Either
     
  • When is it Time to Leave the FBGA and Join the BGA?
     

All this for only $18.95!

So which would you rather have for $18.95: two drops of Rogaine, the transplant of a single hair, or membership in the only group in the world that will let you hold your partially denuded head high: the Future Bald Guys of America? The choice is as clear as your scalp will one day be.

Makes a great gift!